AUDIO: The Four Horsemen of Validation
Mystery and power go hand in hand with the concept of validation. I found validation accidentally and I’m sure that’s how it works for almost everyone. If we don’t find it from our family, we go in search. Wherever we find it, we fuse ourselves into it for the nutrients of life we so desperately need. Some find it in cults, and others in more common addictions.
The desire to FIT IN is absolute. Don’t fight this reality. We will fit in somewhere and we will search until we find it. Sometimes, the only place we fit in is with a band of mis-fits. The fact that we don’t fit in anywhere becomes the bond that allows us to fit with each other.
The crazy thing about validation is this –
1. We don’t know what we’re looking for, but we’ll search for it all our lives. Why am I? Why am I here? Does my life matter? This is the incessant search for validation.
2. Our self-image is built almost entirely upon it, even when it’s accidental.
3. The only way to get it is to give it back. Trust me, when you accept what someone else thinks about you, you are inadvertently validating their authority to validate you. You give them more than a little power over you. Don’t accept validation where you don’t want to give it.
4. It becomes the circumstantial support for your core beliefs.
With such powerful leverage coming from it, you’d think we would be extremely selective about where we accept validation.
Unfortunately, it’s just the opposite. Most believe random validation defines the true value of their lives.
Who Validates You?
Strangely enough, we give or withhold validation to others with little consideration. Yet, we somehow imagine that our own validation was given absolute empirical study.
Generally, it’s as accidental as where, when and to whom you were born. It becomes a chain of custody until we lock in with those we share value with.
What if your relationships are exactly the same?
Your leadership is surrounded by a team of people seeking validation, whether they realize it or not.
You’re not exempt either.
If you’re so busy seeking validation from them, your leadership style adapts until you get it. You want more than anything for them to validate your leadership. Yes, I know that sounds crazy. You might try denying it but for most of us, it’s true. And, once it’s clear where your validation comes from, everything else is built around it.
So, you want to lead? Be careful where you receive your validation and be lavish in validating others. Validation forges the legacy of Breakthrough Leadership.
Add your comments to the conversation: How do you feel validated in your leadership? Are you spending enough time validating those around you? Post your reply below.